On the tip of my Slovak tongue-it's not like the neighbours' languages
Fast forward from 2001. Now I'm residing permanently in Slovakia. Yeah, I like it here a lot. But I'm going to complain about one of just a handful of things I don't like about this country: the Slovak language.
I've lived in Slovakia just over four years. I speak pretty decent Polish, and although Polish and Slovak are (closely-?) related, I cannot speak Slovak to save my life. It's not for lack of effort; it's just a damn difficult language. I sometimes think L'udovít Štúr (he was the leader of the Slovak national revival in the 19th century and creator of the Slovak language standard) designed the language that way on purpose. As a nationalist wishing for Slovak independence, it would make sense to develop a language your imperialist masters couldn't understand. It doesn't help matters that Slovak people, kind though they are, are not the easiest people to befriend. It can take years to foster a close friendship, and without friends, it's tougher to learn a language. I had lots of friends--still have, in fact, a lot of friends--in Poland, and that helped me learn Polish. Okay, I don't want to get into a pissing contest between Poland and Slovakia. But the language in Slovakia is definitely a challenge.
My theories for this are as follows:-
1. The grammar is very irregular and there are many exceptions. Just when you think a rule applies, suddenly it doesn't. I can't give you any specific examples off the top of my head, but take my word. Even Slovaks gripe about their grammar and the correct use of 'i' or 'y', and they complain about their fellow countrymen and women not using the language correctly.
2. Pronunciation can be tricky. Granted they don't have the daunting consonant clusters that Polish has ('cz', 'rs', 'sz', etc.), nor the 'ř' that Czech has (think Dvořák--ever wonder how they pronounce it as 'DVOR-zhak' ?), Slovak words are hard to pronounce accurately. Even when you think you've said it right, someone comes along and pisses on your parade and promptly corrects you, sounding for all the world exactly as you had pronounced it! It's maddening.
3. Words are difficult to remember. I can never seem to remember any of them. I learn a word, then I promptly forget it. It's the In-and-Out Syndrome: in one ear and out the other. Now I have a good ear for languages. I learned Japanese and German, and even Korean, and I've been told I can pass for near-native in a few of those languages. But I cannot say even simple things correctly in Slovak, which may be tied to not being able to remember the words. Inevitably, I end up using a Polish word because... well, it's more natural for me. Sometimes it works and the listener understands me. Most times it doesn't. For example, I can never remember how to ask for sparkling water in Slovak. It always comes out as "voda gazovana" ("woda gazowana"), which is actually Polish. Some words have a totally opposite meaning in Polish and Slovak. "Čerstvý" means "fresh" in Slovak, but the Polish "czerstwy" (pronounced almost identically to the Slovak) means "stale". It was hard for me to remember the Slovak word because if I asked for fresh bread, I always felt as though I was asking for stale bread instead. (Now I'd have a problem if I returned to Poland!) Or worse, take the Slovak word "čipka". It means crocheted lace, like those doilies grandma always used to make. However, in Polish, "ćipka" is a vulgar slang expression for a certain part of the female anatomy. In Polish you can "szukam pana Browna" ("I'm looking for Mr. Brown"), but in Slovak that sentence might get you looks of shock or dismay (or giggles--?) because you've just said that you're f---ing poor Mr. Brown!
4. Finally, I think the problem of learning Slovak is Bratislava. Bratislava is not an ideal place to be for those wishing to immerse themselves in Slovak because: a. Many people residing in Bratislava are from other parts of the country, therefore they tend to speak in their regional dialect. Some dialects make the language sound like Mongolian. And b. Bratislava is the capital city and it's very international. There are a lot of people also from all over Europe and the rest of the world. There are also a lot of young people, and so many people speak English. Sometimes there's no need at all to use Slovak. You open your mouth in Slovak and you get the response in English. English is the international lingua franca, while Slovak is spoken by some 5.5 million people. Often times I think: why bother learning it at all? And my Czech abilities aren't any better. In fact, my Czech and Slovak levels are competing neck and neck. Still, there are foreigners who do speak Slovak. I heard three of them just last week! They must be fucking geniuses because I've always prided myself in being good at languages. Also, these foreigners have likely been living here for more than five years. Slovak is one of those languages that's gonna take a long time to learn.
Okay, so I'm going to go study some Swedish now, thankfully a much easier language.